I listen to the "Learn to Paint" podcast and also receive the newsletter—I highly recommend both.

However, the other morning, I was reading the newsletter, and while it was about painting, it broke something deep inside of me—something ancient and untouched in my 49 years on this planet. 

And that something was my desire, nay, my need to follow the rules. 
To please.
To be “good”.

As an only child, I had no reason to act out to gain my parents' attention. I had all the attention I could ever desire, and breaking the rules had the possibility of bringing on the wrath of Mother Trucker.
While she's only 5 feet and 1/4 inches and weighs in at 92 lbs, soaking wet, making her mad was never in my best interest. 

So, what was it that broke me?
What could I have possibly learned about painting that could have caused such a substantial shift internally??!

The post was titled "The Thick and Thin of Watercolor with Steve Griggs." It discussed the options for mixing watercolor paint at four distinct consistencies -

• Thin like tea (the way you're supposed to use watercolor)

• 2% milk (sorry, what now?)

• Heavy cream (come again?)

• And yogurt (WHAT? And I do mean. What the actual fuck??!!!).

These are concepts that I had never ever, ever, ever considered before in my entire life, and something snapped.

I've been following the rules since day one.
Not only the rules, but rules so benign as to how to mix watercolor paint??!!
While I've stayed safe, I've also never worked with watercolor, the consistency of yogurt, and that sounds like a fuck boat of fun!

I'm wondering why.

Other than you apparently can't knit in jail - Why have I so rigidly followed the rules?

The patriarchy comes to mind, obviously, but I think on the cusp of turning 50, I'm ready to start breaking the rules, things, expectations…maybe not all of them; I do appreciate traffic laws, but reading that post was the first domino to fall in what I can only imagine is a landslide of assumptions. A precarious overhang of facts, and rules that I've never considered not following.

What in life has gone totally and completely unquestioned, unexamined, undiscovered.
What have I been missing?!

I mean - I COULD HAVE BEEN A PIRATE!!!
Think of the bank heists, the arson…so many missed opportunities.

Well, I can’t turn back time, but until Amazon ships my eye patch I’ll be here painting with yogurt thick watercolor paints.

**Since drafting this post I did use some delightfully thick watercolor the other day in painting these trees - I LOVED IT!

What law would you break?
In art or life?