Gold Medal Winner - Existential Dread, Freestyle
Image by Armand Khoury
I do my best to keep this space free of current events because I want “The Nibbler” to be a place of rest and joy, and current events are rarely joyful, but with the current state of affairs in the United States… I'm unsure how we go about not talking about… (waves hand vaguely in the air).
My gold medal in the Existential Freestyle is due to the fact that my federally employed Husband-Person-Man-Dude and Breadwinner Extraordinaire (HPMD-BWE), lost his job two weeks ago.
We knew enough to expect it, but you genuinely cannot prepare for that kicked-in-the-stomach feeling or the uncertainty of having a flatulent orange windsock with a smile that makes the doll from the Chucky movies look perfectly sane, making decisions for your country.
Chucky
Not creepy at all!
What will happen?
Will we lose our house?
Will I have to give up my studio space? Where will I make my art?
Will Roxy have to eat substandard kibble?
Will HMPD be able to find work among the thousands of federal workers who were also let go? What will happen to those people?
What does this mean for tomorrow, for next week, next year?
I've told Roxy she might need to get a job. She's very good at sniffing. She would make an excellent drug dog, but she says she's no snitch.
Respect.
It feels like we are about to hit rock bottom.
But we aren't living out of the car yet, so it could get worse.
This isn't the bottom—hell, even living out of the car wouldn't be the actual bottom.
The actual bottom would be a tent under a bridge in the rain, surrounded by mud that smells of feces.
This is the pre-bottom.
The second to last layer of a seven-layer shit cake.
But I gotta say -
(stay with me- we're almost in the clear - this is where I pull a silver lining out of thin air, and this diatribe won't be so fucking depressing for much longer.)
The view from the pre-bottom is interesting.
It's not as dire as I thought it would be.
Am I scared? Yes.
Drinking from the firehose of uncertainty? Yes. Aren’t we all?!
Sleeping? Only with medication.
But, like the song says, "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose,"
The top isn't as high up as I thought it was because we weren't at the top. As a "Dual Income, No Kids" couple, we were comfortably sitting on a plateau in the middle - at base camp, if you will - with s’mores and very nice sleeping bags.
From the top, base camp looks like a really long way down, but from the bottom, it's just a place we've been before.
Base Camp Image by Rishabh Pandoh
Base Camp is achievable.
I can still see the path we took to get there and the rubble from where we slipped.
But from here, I can also see an alternate route.
I can see the path less traveled, the path that looked dangerous the first time up.
Now that we've traversed this mountain and gotten to know the trails of Mount Metaphor - that side trail doesn't look as scary - in fact, it looks safer than the one we just tumbled down.
Maybe while HPMD nurses a metaphorically broken femur and dusts off his resume, I'll explore that side trail.
It may require me to gamble a bit - I may lose even more ground.
I may end up renting out the top half of our house to a troop of wild Howler Monkeys and feeding the family beans from a can - it's nothing I haven't done before (the beans, not the monkeys).
But I have experience and wisdom I didn't have the first time.
Since I no longer trust the structures and systems that built the well-traveled trail, I have no one left to trust but myself and my navigation skills, and those skills say, "Go that way—the path less traveled."
Because sincerely - why the fuck not?!
I'll tell you why the fuck not, because of you - because of community.
My people won't let me fall.
And I'll catch you when you tumble or stumble; even if I'm sliding backward, I'll put a hand out to steady you.
We are a community, you and me. We are in this together.
We laugh, celebrate, eat cheese, and swear a lot together.
And if I fall again, one of my people will show up with a giant bag of gluten-free cookies from Costco, haul my carcass out of bed, and set me on the path, ready to try again.
When times are uncertain, our neighbors, friends, and people we've only met online will help prop us up with memes, videos, kind words, advice, networking, a wedge of cheese, a bag of cookies, a can opener, or whatever is needed.
Community creates a net.
A net that will keep us from hitting the very bottom, so in these uncertain times, I urge you to invest in your community, not for what the community can do for you, but to weave together a net of safety for all.
Shop locally owned stores when possible, attend community events, volunteer (if you have time and emotional space), meet your neighbors, and make these investments now. You never know how they might pay off or who you might be able to help.
Even if it's lending a can opener for that can of beans or helping to clean poop off the walls after your neighbor rents the top half of their house out on Air Howler.
Small acts can make a big difference. We are not alone and we are not without resources.
Let’s Love Our Community - Image by Mike Erskine
*Since writing this, HPMD has assured me that we will not lose our house or need to rent it out on Air Howler and reminded me that we have an emergency fund.
If we are careful, it will see us through the next few months.
I am okay.
We are okay.
Our people won't let us fall.
(Typing that one more time, more for me than anyone else, but it's there if you need it.)
If you need a can opener please reach out!
Much love,
Jill, HPMD, & Roxy